This is a long one.......

I want to share something that I am really kicking myself about. I have always been very careful to make sure my kids "feel right" about themselves. Sometimes that means manipulating a situation to get them to do what they are supposed to do. I mainly use this for different activities that my kids take part of. With Hali it started with gymnastics. She is generally referred to as a "shy" girl however I have never told her she is shy. When other people comment on her being shy I reassure her and them that she is a thinker or reserved. If you do know her she definately warms up with time and is anything but shy. So when it came time for her to begin gymnastics without a parent I did everything possible for her to feel comfortable being part of a big group. This may sound like coddleing (SP)? but for her it worked and she now loves it. Same thing happened with Soccer. When she started that she was very reserved and tended to just stand there and watch her teammates play. Her first game she cried and did not want to go in. I let her sit and watch for a while but slowly urged her to try and play. It worked and now she loves soccer and takes charge on the field. My problem has recently been with Leiton. He has always been the one to run out to gymnastics without saying goodbye, or to school and playdates. This year however he has been having issues. His first couple soccer practices he went right out there and played awesome. His first game he went in and got hit in the gut with the ball. He cried and refused to go back in the game. I did let him watch for a bit and urged him to get back in there but he flipped out! Just last night was parents day for his boys gymnastics class. Granted there were ALOT of parents and grandparents there for the class prior there are only a few boys in his class so there weren't many people watching his class. He first disappeared behind the Coke machine. I could not get him up and he refused to go. He normally begs to go to gymnastics everyday, or did anyway. I went out and sat with Hali watching thinking he would follow. After ten minutes he did not show. I went out and tried to pick him up and carry him. He went limp and would not stand up. I started thinking about all the money I had spent and had already signed him up for next session. I told him he is going to go in there right now! I said he will not quit. I was getting way too mad. I hurt his arm while trying to pick him up and he started crying more loudly. I went back in the gym to get Hali. Hali then went out to try and get him with no luck. Finally I told him he needs to watch his class at least where he went upstairs to watch from the balcony. He was crying hysterically because I don't believe he has every seen me so mad at him before. After sitting on the floor watching the other boys for a while I said this is ridiculous and Hali and I left to go sit in the lobby. Leiton saw us leave and thought we left him. He ran right past us in shorts and a T with no socks or shoes and ran right outside yelling "MOM!!!!". I ran out to get him and he was hyperventilating. I have never felt so badly for how I handled a situation before in my life. I just don't know how to handle this change in him. I cried just as hard as him when I saw the fear in his eyes. I could not hug him enough. Maybe boys do need a more forceful way to participate in things but this had never been an issue before as he was always so social. Steve doesn't think I need to force anything on him or make him do anything but I really don't agree. (that is a totally different blog entirely) How do I handle this as I feel I cannot give up on him and the things he truly enjoys and is good at. I know it is a fear of the other boys being rough and maybe not as inclusive of him. Does anyone else have this problem? I am completely at a loss here and my self esteem as a parent to him is zilch! He is so quick to forgive me. I need to help him.

A trip to the tire store.

Here's a funny story:

It was a Friday afternoon, I had picked the kids up from school and also our former neighbor's kids as well. I needed to get new tires put on my van so I took the whole group to Mills Fleet Farm. While the van was getting worked on we went and looked at toys which killed a good half an hour however when we got back to the tire store they were not done. I sat down and started reading a magazine. The kids sat and got up and were looking through the window at the workers. Then after a couple minutes of them being too quiet I started paying attention. They were all standing outside the bathroom door looking up at the sign. They were sounding out a word. un--- unnnnnnyyyy sex. That's right they were reading the word UNISEX on the door however they were pronouncing it all wrong...UNsex..."mom!!!! what is in this room!!!????" Their innocent little selves saying the word sex with questioning blank stares made it just too funny not to share. Thank goodness the tires were done before they started asking more questions!

I have heard my share of Who!

Is it possible to watch Horton Hears a Who too much???? Leiton has been laid up on the sofa this afternoon after suffering a migraine and has watched this movie 3 times and is currently on his fourth viewing. Cute movie but my my my...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! We had a great one. We went to my parent's house in Battle Lake. We had extended family there which included my two aunts and uncle, my cousins and their 4 kids. It reminded me of holidays when I was a kid and the house was packed. The food was way too good and I hurt after eating it all. All the kids,.....yes I am still included I guess, played apples to apples which was a hoot. My aunt then got out my grandpa's old slide projector and we looked at slides of long, long ago. There were many baby pictures of me as well as others. We used to look at slides every Thanksgiving and Christmas when I was a kid and we all packed into my grandpa's kitchen. It was so fun. Leiton thought it was pretty cool. After turkey sandwiches everyone packed up and went on their way. We probably won't see everyone again for another year or two so it was kind of sad. Steve and I left the kids for the night as my parents were going to take the kids to Cupkie Village to cut down a tree and have some fun. Hali's birthday is today. She is 8!!! I talked to her a bit and I really miss her today. I got a call that Leiton was having one of his migraines this evening so hopefully he will be able to sleep it off and wake up ok. I can't wait to see my babies tomorrow and celebrate Hali's birthday at home!

The first of many pictures to come....

I am now finally posting a picture of our soon to be baby number 3. As far as other happenings in our lives, things have been pretty quiet. Leiton had two fillings done today. I was rather impressed with how well he handled it. He was kind of excited and thinks the numbness thing is pretty cool! I told him that may be but he is still brushing his teeth at least 10 times a day now!

Cozy day

This morning was the first morning in a long while that was slow and easy going. The kids had managed their way up sometime during the night and we were all snuggling together and watching cartoons in bed. Steve found himself a new bed in Leiton's room. We woke slowly and then we had breakfast. It was the kind of morning I had been waiting for for a while. I had no where I needed to go but I could look out the window at the cold cold outside. I had to open the door to experience the cold so I could appreciate the coziness inside. I made coffee with pumpkin spice cream....MMMMmmm. I started cleaning which Hali noted I always seem to do when it snows. I now have a clean house with almost no dirty laundry. I caught Leiton playing on the computer. He turned around and just says "Mom, I am happy!" What more could a mother ask for. Today I have heard 2 " I love yous" from him. Hali decided to play outside...another blessing....(she has been a handful lately). Leiton just went out to find her now too. I really am looking forward to this weather and Christmas time. I put up some lights on a fake tree in the living room and already feel festive. As soon as I am done here I am going to make chicken and gravy with stuffing and mashed potatoes......I have been craving that forever! So I will end this with a Thank you to the God who makes these good days and for allowing me to learn to recognize them when I am still in the moment.

Halloween....finally

Here are some pics of the days leading up to Halloween and the big day itself. I am so glad it is over. I only wish I hadn't bought so much candy! We had minimal trick or treaters. The group Leiton and I got caught up in had 20 plus kids!!! Hali went with her friends from school and had her first sleep over. She had a blast but was so so tired the next day. Leiton now has maybe 5 pieces of candy left from a huge pumpkin full. The sooner we can get rid of it the better.....

God Help Me.....I'm hormonal!

Just as I got done posting the last post, Hali got a phone call from one of her friends. She is invited to a Halloween party on Halloween for pizza, trick or treating, movies, a sleepover and what have you. I got tears in my eyes....(ok, still do) after realizing I will not be taking her trick or treating! In past years we have always gone with some friends but I was with. She is growing up and I will miss my baby this year. There you have it. Within less than ten minutes time I am blogging how I can't handle her and now how I can't let her go!!! I am seriously losing my emotional balance here!

Here are some pictures I took this afternoon (before the breakdown).

I don't know how to do this!!!!!!

Ok, so I have been having discipline issues with Hali lately. Things are pretty nice and quiet until I pick her up from school. Once she walks in the door or even on the ride home all S&*$ hits the fan. I don't know if she saves it all day for me or what but she starts in on Leiton. I don't even know what happens but before I know it hair is being pulled, punches are being taken and someone is seriously crying! Before I know who to punish they start again blaming and whining and then hitting and then I lose it. Once things calm down a little we start homework or they play games or just chill in their rooms. TOday however I had to take the trampoline down for the winter. I can' even say what happened...it just excilated to a point where Leiton was whipped on the ground and hit his head. I told Hali to go inside and I thought she did. No. I tell her again she says no. I count to 3, threaten to take items away and all of this goes on until I absolutely lose it with her. Our next door neighbors are outside by the way who we don't get along with and Leiton is crying. I scream at Hali (we are in the garage now) to get her butt inside. I chase her in and with her boots on full of mud she runs to her room and slams the door. I push my way in and she now has mud ALL over the carpets! I really thought I had lost my mind I was so mad at her. Now I haven't talked to her for over an hour and I am still mad. Yesterday she kicked a hole in Leiton's bedroom door because he pulled her hair. What is going on ???? I can't do this anymore. I need this to get better!! I am becoming wicked!!! Leiton of course is the first to come to me and hug me and say "I love you mommy and so does God". What a sweet boy. How can I get that out of my 7 year old daughter??? I need to find an older child Baby Book. I wonder if Dr. Sears has wrote one of those. I may have to check.........

bored.

OK, so with only one more day of school vacation I have to shamefully say we have done absolutely nothing. I noticed this look on Leiton's face today that I have never noticed before. I asked him what was wrong and he answered.."I'm bored". Now this kid usually can have a blast with a brick for days on end however this week without anything planned for the kids I let them just have a lazy time. I was shocked that he could get bored! It must be that he is getting older or that he is used to having more of a structured day. Or maybe it's the fact that we don't live next door to their best friends anymore and can't just go outside and have kids join him instantly anymore. I feel tremendously guilty that I let him feel this way. I have been unbelievably tired and just not feeling good so I have been a bit boring I suppose. Hali has made about 2 thousand pictures of art. That girl can do art for hours and hours. We did go to the library this afternoon which was good. I think tomorrow I will make an effort for us to spend the entire day outside the house. I definately need to get out and I am desperate to see excitement in Leiton's eyes again before vacation is over. One funny thing he said was"Mom,,when is vacation going to start? and is there a bathroom at vacation?" I feel so terrible disappointing him on what vacation is...I have a feeling when the next vacation comes he won't be as excited. I really need to plan a real vacation for us soon.

Tina's having a girl!

We found out today that my sister is going to have a girl! She's not going to share what the name is going to be until after it is born. I don't know how people can do that!! As soon as I have a name picked out I have to share it with EVERYONE!! I know alot of people make faces indicating their true feelings of the name or say they know someone who has that name and is ugly or something like that but that doesn't bother me. In fact I want to know what people think before hand. I have always been someone who doesn't like what everyone else likes and in fact if everyone LOVES a name I tend not to. Hali was a name I had picked out since 8th grade when I first met a Hali in junior high. To my would-be-husbands I held out that my daughter's name was going to be Hali and it came true. Leiton was a name I had to work on. I was going for Aiden and I was working in an office with all women at the time. Everyone had an opinion. I even emailed my friend Gretchen several times a day of names I found on Babynames.com. She is always short in her opinions which I appreciate. Finally after watching tennis and having Steve point out the name Lleyton (Hewitt) I was hooked. Then came the spelling. Most people didn't like the name or didn't have an opinion. I looked up the "correct spelling" which was Leighton and mixed it up a bit and got Leiton! Now no one can pronounce it right when it is read. Hali's either but what the hey. I'm putting it out there now if I have a girl it is going to be Piper. I met a mom who had the cutest girl at gymnastics and when she told me her name I had to ask twice. It really grew on me and now no matter how many funny faces I get that is my name. It's the child that makes the name anyway and I think I make pretty cool kids. : ) If I have a boy however I'm struggling for a name. All my old ideas come up short now. We'll see.....

Leiton is 6!

Happy Birthday Leiton my baby. It has been the best 6 years of my life!

I had a scheduled C-Section and you were born at 11:46 AM. You weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces. Good thing they took you out 2 weeks early!!! I felt so comfortable with you from the start and was ready to take you home the first day but was stuck for 3 more days. You are a great blessing to me and I love you more than anything. Happy Birthday Leiton!

We will be celebrating Saturday and Tuesday so I will put pictures on then. Today we enjoyed the birthday cake he helped me bake and will be having his favorite spaghetti for dinner tonight.

The Apple Orchard

A couple Sundays back we went to the Apple Orchard in south Fargo. We have been doing this for a few years now. It is always so much fun to run around and see how many apples you can get. It makes me feel like a kid again. We managed to get enough to make an apple pie. I never made one before and it didn't look like a pie but it tasted like one. Yah me!

As you can see from the pictures, Leiton is quite the poser! I swear I just told him to smile and well...you see. He even put his arm around Hali!! It was quick before Hali pushed him away but I got it! ha ha.

Our Family Sticker

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

First day of school

The first day of school was smooth sailing! There were no tears shed. Both had a great day and by evening wanted to go back! Who's kids are these????
Yes, I did bring them to school in shorts and t's. It was 90 degrees the day before and I didn't watch the weather....my bad!


They both had soccer practice that evening as well. Gone are the lazy days of summer.

Fourth of July Fun!

I know this is late but thought I would share the fun we had at the lakes over the fourth! We stayed at my mom and dad's for the weekend. The following week the kids spent the whole week attending vacation bible school.

the end of another school year...

Hali's last game and Leiton's preschool graduation

Just for fun....

20 years ago I:
1. Was getting ready to end my junior high career and start a laid back summer of sun, swimming and no job.
2. Played Q-Bert at Jerry's one stop with BFF Gretchen while sneaking peaks at the latest Playgirl centerfold (David Lee Roth).
3. Had way too many crushes on way too many boys!

10 years ago I:
1. Graduated college
2. Met my husband
3. Was 50 pounds lighter

5 years ago I:
1. Was a stay at home mom of two kids then 3 and 1
2. Lived in the yellow house on the corner which I loved!
3. Bought my first mini-van

3 years ago I:
1. Moved next door to the best neighbors ever
2. Was getting ready for a fun summer with thd kids
3. I don't know...that's about it

1 year ago I:
1. Realized I signed the kids up for way to many activities for one summer
2. Leiton started summer preschool and Hali graduated kindergarten
3. was one year younger

So far this year I:
1. Have moved
2. Started working part time again
3. Saw my son graduate preschool

Yesterday I:
1. Worked
2. Worked out
3. Took a nap with Hali and Leiton on a couch way too small for us during a thunderstorm.

Today I:
1. Am working
2. Get paid!
3. Am really really really glad it is Friday

Tomorrow I:
1. will sleep in
2. Go to the lakes weather permitting
3. Play with my kids

In the next year I:
1. Hope to lose about 50 pounds
2. Hope to be expecting another child
3. Will have two children in elementary school.....YIKES!

The Fargo Marathon

Saturday was the Fargo Marathon and this was our first year involved with it. My sister Tina had been training forever for it and traveled 1500 miles to run! She started out great. By mile 5 she started not feeling too well. By mile 15 she came upon my parents on the route where my dad told her to stop as she was not looking good at all! She said she's not going to quit and took off running again. After 3 more miles of running/walking she had to call it. She was having stomach problems and was just too sick to continue. A volunteer got her and took her off to the side where she sat until 11:30. She would have made the 3 hours 30 minutes that she was shooting for. I'm so sorry Tina!
That afternoon the kids had a chance to race. They were so excited! We had been running a little up to Saturday and I knew they would have no problem with the 1.2 mile race. It was pretty emotional for me to see them in the line up and taking off. Hali went first in the 5-7 year old race and Leiton followed right after in the 5-6 year old race. They both made it the whole way without walking! WOW! That is more than I can do! I'm just glad I didn't have to run with them. They didn't want me to! ha ha. They were so proud when they ran into the tunnel at the dome and everyone was cheering! I had tears...Overall the whole experience was incredible and I have asked Tina to help train me online so I can run something. She has her doubts as I am not a very good listener....We'll see.

I mean...............!

We got stuck in the road in front of our house Saturday morning. I need say nothing more...It was April 26th! I had a dream last night that we flew to California and while there, Steve decided we could live there....It was only a dream. I wish there was such a thing as Spring again. I wish winter didn't exist. I wish it were warm and sunny and there was sand everywhere and an ocean here.

We are still here!

We have made the move successfully. I will be sending out our new address shortly via email. I wish I had pictures to post but I have lost my camera. Hali's camera (which is nicer than mine anyway) has some new pictures on it but I haven't figured out how to download them onto the computer yet. I am sure she does but she's too busy to help me right now. Nothing much going on this week. The kids and I went for a walk/bike ride yesterday which was so nice and today we played soccer in the backyard and decorated the driveway with chalk art. The sun is perfect medicine for a restless family.

Almost done

So the moving yesterday was brutal! I cannot move. My 65 year old dad and I moved everything ourselves. All but the big screen and piano are at the new house. My mom played with Hali and put the kitchen stuff away which was awesome. It actually was a nice day with my parents. Leiton woke up yesterday with a bad fever and barfed. He was fine for an hour or so afterwards but then became sick with a fever again and just layed down watching videos all day. We had Duane's pizza for a late lunch which Hali pointed out may not be the best idea for Leiton but the boy chowed down like there was no tomorrow. After napping all day and getting a second wind he became very sick with a high high fever. He went to bed in his new room but came up at about 12:30. Steve put him in bed next to me and 2 seconds later he barfed pizza all over our bed. I had just put clean sheets on and was so comfortable...so much for that. Poor kid is feeling just miserable. I am feeling cruddy too I do have to admit but I will not let it get me! I have to work today so I hope Steve can handle it! Hali is there so I should have nothing to worry about. She's a mini me.

I am still up!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to this new little drink called A.C.T. (which I am selling at work for commission by the way)( and it is all natural, no caffeine, gives you energy without the jitters and tastes great!) I am still up. We are in the process of moving and I have taken the roll of doing EVERYTHING!!!!!! I have decided we are calling professional movers in the morning even though we are only moving 6 blocks. I'm sorry but the piano is out of my league! I should be sleeping since I am to be moving the BIG things tomorrow but of course I decide to blog since sitting still (or sleeping) is not an option right now. I am such a control freak that I must organize and disgard what is not necessary before it leaves the house. I secretly took 6 large tall kitchen garbage bags of....yes, garbage out of Hali's room while she was at school yesterday. She is such a packrat!! When I mentioned this to her teacher (since she has been sharing our moving experience with her class the past week) she said she had a hard time believing that since her desk was the neatest one she had ever seen! WHAT? I think she saves it for home.... ANYWAY, to make matters even less crazy, my parents are coming to town to assist in our move. What could make for a better weekend? I need a beers!!!!!!!!!!!

Slip of the Grip

I am registering my baby boy for Kindergarten today! It feels like he has been around forever but he has only been on this earth for 5 years! He is more than ready for school. He loves preschool and playing with kids. He is by no means shy around other kids his age. I just remember the first day of preschool when he was so excited and ran into the building, hung up his backpack in his cubbie, took a look in the room where he was expected to go and got this look on his face that said "this is not what I expected, there is no way you are leaving me here!". He tried to hold back his tears and his chin was quivering. He kept saying no mama don't leave, I don't want to go here. I did leave him (after 45 minutes). He was crying. I called an hour later and he was fine. When I picked him up he didn't want to leave his friends so I was glad I didn't cave in and take him home with me that morning. He just needed that little nudge from me to let him go as painful as that was. Now I am so proud of how he has adjusted from being home with me all these years to making friends and being a good listener and learner in school. I know he will succeed just as well in Kindergarten. It is just that first slip of the grip that I dread, where he is just as scared and uncertain of the future as I am. The comforts of being taken care of turn into the gratification of taking care of yourself. It is a new comfort that brings even greater peace for me and..in time....him too.

How a 7 year old views the world

Ok, so Hali wanted to tell me what she learned about Martin Luther King Jr. Day in school on Friday....."See, the brown skin people weren't allowed to play with the white kids and they had to drink out of rock water fountains. A brown boy couldn't be friends with his white friend. Then the black man said "hey, that's not fair". Ok so now I am waiting to hear what she learned what he did and all that so I said then what happened. She says.."they shot him". Hmmmm....I guess that is what happened isn't it. Oh how a child can simplify the craziness in the world.

Ok, then Hali decided she wanted to get a head start on her homework for Wednesday. Her class had been learning about the arctic and the animals that live in the arctic. Her assignment was to pick an animal and answer the questions that followed. She picked the reindeer. Ok, do you see where this is going? The first question is what do they eat? Since we watched the movie Prancer over the holidays her answer was oats. Next question, how do they get their food? Answer: we leave it in the snow with sparkles so they can find it....or Santa. yah. Third question, where does the animal live? Answer: The North Pole. Fourth question, how do they get around? Answer: yup.....they fly. I did tell her that they do walk most of the time so she did put that down. Now this is a girl who will in no way let me tell her the answer or have me do her work at all so to get her to change any parts of her answers is a very difficult task. She was so proud of her work and to be done early I just let it be. Sorry Mrs. Englund! 7 is a delicate age......

Letting Go

Today Hali is going home from school with a friend from her class. She is also going to be having dinner with her family. As happy that I am for her (she was all smiles today and last night and the night before) I feel like my responsibilities are being taken away from me. I realized as I dropped her off this morning I will not be picking her up. After reminding her to use her manners and checking that she didn't wear her stinky tennis shoes I said my goodbyes, with extra kisses and hugs. I could tell she was a bit nervous but I didn't want to dwell on that because I knew she would have a blast. I watched her walk all the way into school, both doors, and then slowly pulled away realizing that I did not have to be responsible for her for roughly another 10 hours! Where does time go? Then I got home and was greeted by my little boy man sitting ever so patiently waiting for breakfast. Alas, I am still needed. As grown up as my kids seem around other kids and friends they are still my babies when we are at home. I can't wait to cuddle up with Hali tonight in our jammies and discuss her day.

Oh, and she finally lost the second of her 2 front teeth! Much better! Very cute.

New Year's party pictures

Here are some pics from our New Year's party. The kids had a blast until countdown at midnight (really 11pm) and were out soon after. Steve and I were able to stay up a little later and watch some new movies. Good times. Happy New Year and have a great 2008!