I want to share something that I am really kicking myself about. I have always been very careful to make sure my kids "feel right" about themselves. Sometimes that means manipulating a situation to get them to do what they are supposed to do. I mainly use this for different activities that my kids take part of. With Hali it started with gymnastics. She is generally referred to as a "shy" girl however I have never told her she is shy. When other people comment on her being shy I reassure her and them that she is a thinker or reserved. If you do know her she definately warms up with time and is anything but shy. So when it came time for her to begin gymnastics without a parent I did everything possible for her to feel comfortable being part of a big group. This may sound like coddleing (SP)? but for her it worked and she now loves it. Same thing happened with Soccer. When she started that she was very reserved and tended to just stand there and watch her teammates play. Her first game she cried and did not want to go in. I let her sit and watch for a while but slowly urged her to try and play. It worked and now she loves soccer and takes charge on the field. My problem has recently been with Leiton. He has always been the one to run out to gymnastics without saying goodbye, or to school and playdates. This year however he has been having issues. His first couple soccer practices he went right out there and played awesome. His first game he went in and got hit in the gut with the ball. He cried and refused to go back in the game. I did let him watch for a bit and urged him to get back in there but he flipped out! Just last night was parents day for his boys gymnastics class. Granted there were ALOT of parents and grandparents there for the class prior there are only a few boys in his class so there weren't many people watching his class. He first disappeared behind the Coke machine. I could not get him up and he refused to go. He normally begs to go to gymnastics everyday, or did anyway. I went out and sat with Hali watching thinking he would follow. After ten minutes he did not show. I went out and tried to pick him up and carry him. He went limp and would not stand up. I started thinking about all the money I had spent and had already signed him up for next session. I told him he is going to go in there right now! I said he will not quit. I was getting way too mad. I hurt his arm while trying to pick him up and he started crying more loudly. I went back in the gym to get Hali. Hali then went out to try and get him with no luck. Finally I told him he needs to watch his class at least where he went upstairs to watch from the balcony. He was crying hysterically because I don't believe he has every seen me so mad at him before. After sitting on the floor watching the other boys for a while I said this is ridiculous and Hali and I left to go sit in the lobby. Leiton saw us leave and thought we left him. He ran right past us in shorts and a T with no socks or shoes and ran right outside yelling "MOM!!!!". I ran out to get him and he was hyperventilating. I have never felt so badly for how I handled a situation before in my life. I just don't know how to handle this change in him. I cried just as hard as him when I saw the fear in his eyes. I could not hug him enough. Maybe boys do need a more forceful way to participate in things but this had never been an issue before as he was always so social. Steve doesn't think I need to force anything on him or make him do anything but I really don't agree. (that is a totally different blog entirely) How do I handle this as I feel I cannot give up on him and the things he truly enjoys and is good at. I know it is a fear of the other boys being rough and maybe not as inclusive of him. Does anyone else have this problem? I am completely at a loss here and my self esteem as a parent to him is zilch! He is so quick to forgive me. I need to help him.
In God's Hands
5 years ago
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4 comments:
You are so sweet, I assure you : ) And a GOOD mom too. Could it be he does like gymnstics, but he is just really uncomfortable with performing in front of people? And his confidence is maybe shaken a bit because of soccer?
We started Colton in hockey when he was 4. He kept getting knocked off his skates by other kids. He sobbed, pitched a fit and just didn't want to go. We finally let him quit. But we told him he had to try something else. He agreed to skating lessons instead. We just took the pressure off of him having to feel like the other kids were always going to run him over and knock him down. At 5 he asked to be signed up again! He has played hockey ever since.
I think you are on the right track by getting him to participate. Try to find more things or different things maybe. Build his confidence and he'll come around and surprise you!
Oh THANK YOU Vicky! You make me feel so much better by sharing that. Leiton hated being knocked around by the other boys in soccer. He cried and cried and I think he felt a bit embarassed as well. He never did finish the fall season so I am hoping to try again in the Spring. Also, for some reason last year in skating on the last day he refused to get on the ice. He said he did not want to do lessons this year. He does however like skating at the rink at the park so hopefully that will build his confidence a bit.
Okay Heather I had to email Vicky to figure out whose blog this is...so hello!
Our kids are all so different. Ryan, our now "I love all sports" child, had to quit skating due to fears and crying as an almost four year old. Our two oldest cried for almost a month being brought to preschool.
Kate hates everything--or so she says.
I feel for you. I would write more, but duties call: breakfast, diaper, and now the phone is ringing.
Hi Bonnie! I have been following your blog through Vicky's since I found Vicky's blog! I so enjoy it! Thanks for the comment! Right now someone is sobbing over their hand being broken......
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